


I Didn't Mind The Loneliness Before

by SerStolas



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Established Relationship, F/M, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28201176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerStolas/pseuds/SerStolas
Summary: Prompt: "I never mind being alone before you"After the crew of Rogue One survived Scariff, Jyn and Cassian find the trust and friendship they made on their mission for the Death Star plans developing into something deeper.  Both of them have spent so much time alone.  In the past it was fine, but now, well now they have people to miss.Happy Holidays to Dopt as a part of the RebelCaptain Secret Santa!
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Comments: 16
Kudos: 57





	I Didn't Mind The Loneliness Before

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dopt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dopt/gifts).



> Happy Holidays to Dopt as a part of the RebelCaptain Secret Santa! I hope you enjoy the story!
> 
> find me on tumblr @serstolas

Cassian sighed and leaned back in the seat on the Rebel transport that had picked him up on the outskirts of city on Dantooine. He felt the rumble of the engines as the ship left the atmosphere of the planet. He felt the odds were good no one had followed him, though that brought to mind K-2SO's voice, and how many times the droid had quoted statistics to him. He missed the droid like an ache. Even more so, he missed the company of his team, the sound of Jyn and Kay bickering, Bodhi's determination, Baze's silent support, and the overwhelming calm that Chirrut always managed to bring to them all.

Before Rogue One, Cassian had taken countless solo missions. He'd spent days and weeks in enemy territory or in potentially hostile locations without a friend in sight and had accomplished his missions without thinking about the lack of trustworthy human contact or the touch of a friend's hand on his own. Once he had acquired and reprogramed K-2SO, he hadn't been alone as often, but there had still been numerous missions that he'd been apart from Kay while deep under cover or in a situation the droid couldn't follow him into. 

He rotated his sore wrist and rolled his shoulders, thinking he'd be glad to get back to base and hoped that at least one member of Rogue One's crew would be there. Bodhi had joined the X-Wing pilots after they'd survived, and Jyn had been recruited by the Pathfinders given her skill in close quarter combat and her training in guerrilla warfare under Saw Guerria. Despite their paths taking them different ways, there had been occasion for Bodhi and Jyn to join him on missions, Bodhi as their pilot and Jyn partnering with him in situations that might require more combat that espionage. 

Cassian had survived losing his family at the age of six. He'd survived encounters and battles with both Imperial forces and other hostiles. He had given everything he had for the Rebellion over and over. 

Before undertaking the mission to rescue Jyn from the Imperials, before meeting Chirrut and Baze on Jedha, before finding Bodhi in Saw’s custody, Cassian had never had anything to lose.  
He closed his eyes as a waive of longing swept over him. He wanted to see Jyn flash a smile as she looked at him over dinner in the mess or hear Bodhi laugh at some story Baze told of the trouble that he and Chirrut managed to get into. 

He missed his family. 

It had been years since he’d felt this emotion, this longing for the comfort and sense of belonging he felt when surrounded by the surviving members of Rogue One. 

There was also the more recent discovery that the relationship between he and Jyn had taken a turn from platonic to a more romantic one. He knew that some members of the Rebellion liked watching old holo vids when they got the rare chance or read stories on their data pads that told of two friends pining in silence after each other, each in love with the other but afraid to speak up for fear of the other ending their friendship.

A faint smile quirked his lips at that thought. That was one thing at least that he and Jyn had never done. Pining, particularly when you were in the middle of a rebellion against a fascist Empire and knowing that any mission or day could be your last was a waste of time. 

There’d been a spark between him and Jyn that day on the beach at Scariff, when they’d knelt in each other’s arms, watching the oncoming blast and expecting it to be the last thing they ever saw, with the warmth and comfort of another human’s touch tangible and close. Cassian wasn’t sure when he’d passed out from his injuries, but he’d woken up in the med bay on Yavin, a weary Bodhi Rook sitting on an uncomfortable looking chair beside the bed. Bodhi’s eyes had been wet when he saw Cassian was awake, and explained quickly that two of the other Rebel troops had survived the storming of the beach and commandeered an Imperial transport, rescued Bodhi, Chirrut, Baze, and another surviving trooper before effectively scooping Jyn and Cassian off the beach and making a rather shaky escape through the gate in the shield around the planet. 

Somehow in the chaos surrounding the Battle of Scariff, the transport had managed to get in contact with the Republic before they were shot out of the sky and advised they had survivors of Scariff aboard. Jyn had managed to come to Cassian’s bedside after that, supported between Baze and Bodhi, taking Bodhi’s place in the chair beside Cassian’s cot.

The warmth of her hand in his when they’d clasped hands was one that Cassian didn’t think he would ever forget.

In the time they had before Yavin was evacuated, with Rogue One managing to make it onto the same ship during the evacuation, and the stolen moments the Rogue One family caught together between various missions since then, Cassian found his emotions for this firey woman heading in a decidedly not platonic direction. He’d pondered over it on one of the solo missions he’d taken, and when they’d managed to reunite for a day or two between his missions and one of the Pathfinder missions she’d been on, Cassian decided it was better to ask and risk than to stay quiet.

Of course, Jyn had evidently had the same thought, and they’d found themselves asking in strange unison “Is it alright if I kiss you?”

The resulting laughter, and light brush of her lips against his own, and the memory of it brought a faint warmth spreading across his cheeks, and a brighter smile to his lips.

Memories like that were what helped him through the lonely missions he took, planet after planet, month after month, to do whatever he had to, to help the Rebellion succeed. Rogue one had given him hope, and as he had told Jyn all those months ago, a home.

He breathed deep, letting himself fall into a restless slumber as he waited for the ship to transport them back towards Hoth.  
****  
Jyn trudged through the Hoth base towards the quarters she shared with Cassian. Kes Dameron’s Pathfinders had taken a pounding on their last mission, and after debriefing all Jyn wanted to do was collapsed into bed with Cassian and sleep. 

Bodhi was out on a patrol with his fellow pilots, and Chirrut and Baze were off somewhere with Luke, helping him train as a Jedi. She sighed as she moved through the halls. She’d made friends among her fellow Pathfinders and other Rebels, but it wasn’t the same as being around the members of the Rogue One crew. Finding her family wasn’t in residence saddened her, even though she knew the importance of the missions and tasks they all took on.

Perhaps a bit worse, she knew Cassian wasn’t back yet. She hoped he’d have at least a few days when he returned before he had to go out again. Kes advised his squad that they likely wouldn’t be going back out for at least a few more weeks, and it gave her a bit of hope that she and Cassian would get a few days of downtime before either of them had to go back out.  
She stared a bit dejectedly at the empty quarters she shared with him before dragging herself through the motions of getting a change of clothing and heading to the communal refresher that Rebellion personnel in this part of the base shared. Maybe one day, she thought as she stripped down, cleaned as fast as she could against the cold, and quickly redressed in clean layers, she and Cassian might have a home somewhere. Maybe it would be on Yavin or Fest, and Bodhi would stop by between freight runs, and Baze and Chirrut would finally have the chance to retire peacefully and live nearby. 

A few years ago, she’d have thought such things were just a fever dream, something that would never happen. But surviving Scariff, building a family with the Rogue One crew, while she still knew that any day could be their last, for the lives they lead were dangerous, Cassian, Bodhi, Baze, and Chirrut had taught her to hope.

She hoped for a future with her lover, and she hoped to build a physical home with him one day.

She maneuvered her way through the halls back towards her and Cassian’s quarters, mentally clutching those precious thoughts of the future against the loneliness that welled within her. She missed him. She missed his arms around her. 

She fell asleep in a mound of blankets on the bed, dreaming of Cassian and the warmth of his arms against the cold of Hoth.

***  
It was late when Cassian’s transport finally made it back to Hoth. Even Draven appeared to feel some kindness for Cassian, as he found an order to report to debriefing in the morning. Cassian gave a tired nod to the few Ground Crew members on duty this late at night.

“Oh,” a female Zabrak, a member of the Ground Crew he’d seen normally working the late shift, caught his attention as he started to exit the hanger. “Your Pathfinder friend is back, just got in a few hours ago.” She smiled. “She was a bit disappointed you weren’t home yet, so you might surprise her now.”

Cassian felt a smile tug at his lips in response to the Zabrak’s words, and he dipped his head and mumbled a thank you as he now hurried towards his and Jyn’s quarters.

He entered the darkened quarters to find his Kyber Heart buried beneath a mound of blankets. Pausing long enough to close their door and slip off his boots, he slid under the blankets with her, and pulled her body flush against his own.

The movement woke Jyn up and she mumbled, recognizing the form that held her and a sleepy smile flickered over her lips. “Cassian?”

“I’m home, love,” he replied, kissing her hair lightly.

“Missed you,” she murmured as she snuggled closer beneath the blankets. “Never minded being alone…before you.”

He felt his heart clench a little at that and he kissed her cheek. “I know, love,” he told her. “The loneliness never got to me before you and our family.”

“Breakfas’ with ‘em tomorrow,” she murmured, beginning to fall back asleep in her lover’s arms. “Tonight, it’s us. Love you Cas.”

“I love you too, Jyn,” he whispered back, letting himself relax under the covers with her, their bodies pressed safely and comfortingly against each other as they both fell asleep.

They were Home.


End file.
